bego Funny Status Messages

   There are always two ways to look at things. I prefer to look at them my way.

   Just because I don't tell anyone, doesn't mean that problems doesn't exist in my life.

   The term "good girl" becomes irrelevant if she is hanging out after 2AM.

   What I do when I'm hungry: ( ) get up and get food (x) moan like a dying whale until someone feeds me

   What to do when you're wrong: a) admit you're wrong, b) make adjustments, c) move along.

   I don't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

   In America, we will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary.

   After last night's drunken escapades, I'd think my friends should have had better judgement than to be friends with me.

   My doctor told me to stop drinking today...then he told me to stop laughing.

   Dear MTV, I'm gonna start my own TV network called RealityTV (RTV) and play nothing but music videos.

   1 new message: runs for phone, jumps over sofa, runs a marathon, swims Atlantic ocean, pushes mom out the way. grabs phone...."k" FUUUUUUU!

   You're inspirational Facebook update: ❒Inspires me. ✔Wastes my time. ✔ Inspires me to unfriend you.

   Ladies, show me your duck lips and I'll show you some duct tape.

   It's amazing the places I travel to when I'm talking on the phone.

   Just remember, someone loves everything you hate about yourself.

   When I'm on the phone I move my arms around when I'm giving directions even if the person can't see me.

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.

   You never realize you need toilet paper until it's too late.

   Don't talk to me until I've had 7 coffees.

   This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.