Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 727 of 6383
I want a version of Baywatch with only fat people in it.
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04-19-2018 13:33
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Trump has repeatedly broken at least 4 of the 10 commandments: Adultery, theft, dishonesty, and coveting. Doesn't read the bible, go to church, ask for forgiveness from God, or repent. Yet the evangelical support him against the will of God.
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04-19-2018 11:53
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The bravest man in the world is the prince from Sleeping Beauty because waking up a tired woman can go sideways very fast.
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04-19-2018 08:27
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A guy in a leather jacket told me that if I gave him a hundred dollars he'd give me three hundred back in a month. It sounded too good to be true, but then I realized that it was just a Fonzi scheme.
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04-19-2018 08:03
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If there is a Little Debbie then that means somewhere out there is Large Deborah and don't dare touch her cakes
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04-19-2018 07:59
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Why is it that most nudists are people you donβt want to see naked?
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04-19-2018 07:20
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Apple were considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well
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04-19-2018 07:20
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Yesterday I went to an antique shop and asked "What's new?". I don't know why that guy gave me a murderous look
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04-19-2018 07:19
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Forgetting to switch off your alarm on a day when youβre not meant to go Work is an invention of lucifer himself
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04-19-2018 07:18
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Witchcraft is when your boyfriend uses different condom flavour's on every round ππππππππ you go home smelling like fruit salad.
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04-19-2018 07:14
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I baked you some cookies Theyβre in the garbage
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04-19-2018 02:23
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If the leader of the free world has time to tweet, then you have time to return my texts.
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04-19-2018 02:22
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Wanna see awkward? Hand me a baby.
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04-19-2018 02:14
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On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
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04-19-2018 02:08
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I remember once upon a time I was a beloved son, now Iβm just an internet troll.
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04-19-2018 02:05
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My doctor said Iβm healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Most all the women I meet in bars think I have a nice butt. Because as I walk away from them after talking to them. I hear them say "what an ass."
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04-18-2018 23:09 by Jake
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Who else's favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
I'm pretty sure Jesus Christ is not saying "You can bang all the porn stars you want, as long as you glue a plastic fish on your car's bumper".
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04-18-2018 21:12
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For all the lazy people Heinz has come out with Mayochup to put on your burgers. It's ketchup and mayonnaise in one squeeze bottle.
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04-18-2018 20:19
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