Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What the “booming economy” means to me: higher prices for food, healthcare & gas. Anyone else feeling it?
←Rate | 09-11-2018 02:11 Comments (5)  


   messageicon When a client's (djt) lawyer, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know their guilty.
←Rate | 09-11-2018 01:56 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "How to tweet while on the seat" by guess who.
←Rate | 09-11-2018 00:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought the book, Fear by Bob Woodward, what a fantastic read.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 23:58 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison!
←Rate | 09-10-2018 17:03 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you for all your kind messages on my birthday.....and thank you Facebook for reminding them.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 17:01 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy at Target wearing a Dallas Cowboys hat and a MAGA t-shirt was buying a 65 inch TV so I said “Man, you’re really gonna be able to see the players kneeling on that thing.”
←Rate | 09-10-2018 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon new band idea: nippleback
←Rate | 09-10-2018 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I burped & now I'm hungry. Along the same lines, I wonder if a big fart right now would make me horny.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was younger I used to sneak out Of my home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 11:52 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since 1/20/17 I feel like I'm in the 1988 movie "The Live" and I'm one of the few people with a pair of the sunglasses.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 08:18 Comments (7)  


   messageicon Ask-hole: Someone who constantly asks for advice then does the opposite of what you told them.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever lost your sunglasses on top of your head?…me neither…
←Rate | 09-10-2018 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever been to Medieval Times? I like Medieval Times, but if they wanted to have a real medieval experience, they would knock out half your teeth and give you food that would give you dysentery.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up this morning and found out that someone had put Vegetables in the Beer Crisper.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love Fall.... Unless it's Cold, Damp and Dark. Then I hate Fall.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't hit people with glasses. Use your fists.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it too much to hope that my good cholesterol will be a positive influence on my bad cholesterol.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As soon as the new iPhone was announced, a weird thing happened. My old iPhone started begging for its life.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:52 Comments (0)  




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