SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Judging by the hair on the furniture, I'm surprised I have any cat left at all.

   If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.

   I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.

   The Internet is the world's greatest source of things you don't really need.

   I don't think the economy has turned around so much as it has backed over us and parked.

   Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

   I always say, "If you can't say anything nice, we have a lot in common. "

   Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.

   My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up.

   You'll never see me on Hoarders because I can't afford that much sh!t.

   In our darkest moments we sometimes find a way to shine. Or smash a knee on the corner of a coffee table that you wanna toss into the fireplace.

   If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired.

   My “Sleep Number” is pretty much 24/7.

   Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin

   The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

   Maybe Congress should try a Bake Sale.

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

   "Vodka, Bourbon, Tequila!" - Me calling the shots.