Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 03:53 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Altzheimer's Centre prepares for a party to remember!
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:45 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only good thing about inflation. It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without having to move.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:14 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's an easy way to convert your sofa into a sofabed...... Forget the wife's birthday.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 02:09 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing. Boy did I learn that one the hard way.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 15:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Mama Cass Elliot would have turned 77 today. In fact, if she had shared that sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might still be alive.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lobster tail and beer are three of my favorite things!
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really didn't need to know that Toad thing from Mario Kart.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I have doggie style sex. I sit up and beg for it. And she rolls over and plays dead.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 04:30 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm far from distancing my self from anything.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 04:25 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can drive a woman wild with my tongue! I say..‘Have you put weight on?’
←Rate | 09-18-2018 16:41 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon BOSS: I don't consider myself wastefull *** BOSS 5 minutes later: prints a 137 page report because he needs the last two pages
←Rate | 09-18-2018 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have any Emmys but I Have 2 Grammys ....they're both dead
←Rate | 09-18-2018 07:49 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone tells me a Knock-Knock joke, I sit there quietly and pretend I'm not at home until they leave.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 07:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Dear friends older than 37: You don't have to put 2 spaces after the period anymore. That was for the typewriter era. You're free.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm holding cheerleader try outs for my "Fantasy football team". Full outfits are encourage but not necessary.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good old days when I used to think T-mobile was a rapper.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are conjoined twin girls joined at the hip called hipsters?
←Rate | 09-18-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not the fall off a tall building that kills you. It's the sudden stop.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 21:31 by Jake Comments (0)  




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