santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   Dear Santa, Don't listen to any of my Facebook friends. I have been a perfect angel, I swear.

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   starting to think that Santa's just not that into me...

   Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy are mad. I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

   It kind of sucks living in Detroit this Christmas. The economy has hit us so hard, I heard Haiti was organizing a fund raiser for us

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   just passed a holiday cocaine drug bust. It looks like some people are gonna be denied a white Christmas this year.

   loves how Christmas movies capture the holidays in a way everyone typically experiences. In two hours: greedy men become charitable; enemies settle their differences; women fall in love with the unattractive nerd; and an angel get its wings.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   received a drinking game for Christmas from the woman that used to be my therapist. She told me once I had a drinking problem… Job Security maybe?

   I'm going to make Christmas cookies with dog bone cookie cutters & see if anyone eats them this year!!!

   OK Santa I followed your stupid rules all year...it was hard not killing anyone or punching anyone in the face but I did it.....so If Milla Jovovich isn't under my tree this year you'll be first on the hit list Fat Man!

   Santa better take me off the naughty list or I will black out the moon on Monday night.

   was surprised to receive a compliment about his VW Jetta today - especially at a Mazda/GM car dealership. The salesman said: "Well German engineering, you can't go wrong. I just can't believe they killed so many Jews. You have a Merry Christmas."

   Nothing brings out the worst in human nature like a crowded mall. :) I can't wait to start Christmas shopping!

   Lindsay Lohan is spending the holidays in rehab, poor girl..no friends..no family, no drugs..no alcohol..I'm just sayin!!

   Im not an angry person...but that chick singing christmas carols in the hyundai commercial makes me want to punch a sleeping baby in the face!!!!