SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Internet connection failed!: □ Wait patiently. ✔ Rape the refresh button.

   Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old… as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

   I was planning to take a flu shot until I found out it isn't a kind of drink

   These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.

   1000 aches = 1 megahurtz

   Turns out, if your boss is mad at you, playing a surprise game of "Got Your Nose" will NOT ease the tension.

   Here's something you'll never hear, "Oh cool, you have a pink lighter."

   Nothing personal, but if you're wearing one of those new plastic & velcro boot/cast things, stay the f*** away from me.

   I wish somebody would invent a Slim Fast beer.

   "I want to drink a lot of vodka but I also want to look pretentious." - Inventor of the Martini.

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumba$$ put my cape on backwards.”

   Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.

   There's some consolation in the fact that even though your dreams haven't come true.... neither have your nightmares.

   They can go ahead and change the name "land line" to "cell phone finder" now.

   "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

   Drive defensively. Buy a tank.

   I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek.

   Facebook: All the people you didn't like from high school- now with pictures of their kids!

   Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped.

   Great news! I'm declaring a national strike. Nobody go to work.