BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Apparently "preparing myself for Cinco de Mayo" is not a good reason to be drunk at work today, who knew?

   If you're single and looking to score, never bring girls to a bar... that's like bringing apples to an orchard.

   Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos.

   Dog diary: Me and my master played all day long! Cat diary: Day 147 of captivity.

   I have lived through death of Michael Jackson, first black president, Royal Wedding and Osama's death. My life's a fuc?ing history book.

   Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place.

   I can't live without: ✔ Food ✔ Music ✔ Oxygen ✔ Water ✔ Internet ❒ You

   Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.

   Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.

   Facebook: Helping you acknowledge the existence of people you had been successfully ignoring for years.

   I don't trust anyone who chooses a side salad over french fries.

   If I had a shot of whiskey for everytime I thought of you, I'd be sober.

   High schools shouldn't have school zones. If you can't cross the street by the time you're in HS you deserve to get hit.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life...also, thank you.

   When I die I'm gonna become a ghost & watch attractive people shower.

   When someone sends you a text that says “call me”. Why didn't you just damn call me?

   You know you're awesome when Facebook suggests people you have already had sex with.

   Dear Websites that automatically play loud videos, thanks for trying to get me fired!

   Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

   I'm going to open a store next to FOREVER 21 and call it "FINALLY 22".....