Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 709 of 6446

My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!
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10-21-2018 05:44 by Truman
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Drink beer while you can still afford it.
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10-21-2018 02:54
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What's trump's favorite cereal? Cheeri O's, the cereal made for little hands.
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10-21-2018 01:40 by IDTN
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Q: What do "Deadliest Catch" and "Jersey Shore" have in common? A: They're two reality TV shows about catching crabs.
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10-20-2018 23:53
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instead of talking about who people whould vote for, maybe gef off social media and actually go put and vote if you want change
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10-20-2018 19:57
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Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
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10-20-2018 17:47
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The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
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10-20-2018 16:59 by Gabe
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First rule of Fight Club:
Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!
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10-20-2018 16:14 by Truman
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There is strength in loyalty; not in numbers.
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10-20-2018 10:04
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The key to success is concentration, a skill which can be learned with - oh wow, that cloud looks like Snoopy!
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10-20-2018 09:09
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I just bought a new Jeep. I named it Elizabeth Warren because it's all white yet says it's a Cherokee.

Bet if the block voters wore MAGA hats, they would not of had a problem registering to vote.
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10-20-2018 02:09
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The guy in charge of running the election (kemp) in Georgia is also running in the Georgia election. Mmmm I wonder who will win ?
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10-20-2018 01:56
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Come on people, does your vote really count? Or is it just a big con?
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10-20-2018 01:45
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I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
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10-19-2018 19:50
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I like when people call me "Sir." I just wish they wouldn't follow it up with "You're making a scene."
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10-19-2018 14:49
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I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by,
"that's him officer"
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10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman
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Rihanna turned down an opportunity to headline the halftime show at #SuperBowlLIII how ever they can still broadcast it on her forehead
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10-19-2018 10:08
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If you feel "blessed" because you have a lot of stuff, you obviously don't understand the meaning of "blessed."
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10-19-2018 06:41
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well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions