Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 701 of 6446

When my wife is angry with me, she'll not only stops talking to me, she'll also send me blank tex messages.
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11-13-2018 01:22 by Ha.ha
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. Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
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11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact
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In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
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11-12-2018 10:57
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Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
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11-12-2018 10:44
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When you use the self-service checkout lanes at Wal-mart, you should get a discount like you do when you buy self-service gasoline.
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11-12-2018 10:17
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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
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11-12-2018 09:05
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If one despises losers, and one is a loser. Does that loser despise them self ?
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11-12-2018 05:14
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Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
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11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha
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Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
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11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha
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it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
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11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman
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Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
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11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha
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I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
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11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea
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Fellas; Someone you are unable to hang out with when you are broke is not your girlfriend. That’s a prostitute.
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11-11-2018 03:17
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Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
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11-10-2018 22:22
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"Waiter, how do you prepare your lobsters?" "Nothing special, we pretty much just tell them straight up that they are going to die."
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11-10-2018 21:03
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So after winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently, this is unacceptable in bowling.
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11-10-2018 18:57
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If you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came, then your probably a alcoholic.
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11-10-2018 17:47
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Waiter: What would you like? Me: I’ll have the Double Deep Fried McMeme Supreme with extra spicy cream.
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11-10-2018 14:22
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