Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!

   A psychologist cannot change a light bulb unless the light bulb really wants to change.

   HA! If you think I'M crazy you should meet ME!

   I thought the fire alarm went off so I exited the building. It was a premature evacuation..

   You can really tell who your friends are by looking at your friends list.

   The things I've seen while hiding in someone's closet are shocking sometimes... there are some sick people out there.

   I think Words with Friends... should really be called... Scrabble with Cheaters!

   Officer the only reason I'm speeding is because I'm late...and stopping me for 15 minutes to give me a ticket is only going to make me speed even more!

   I listen better to people when they make sense... or better yet... Dollars...

   I'm bad kinda in sentences at words order the right putting in.

   When I was a kid squirt guns were my favorite toy... Now I'm an adult and making women squirt is my favorite thing. I guess some things never change!

   I hate to call it "one night stands." I prefer "auditions."

   If life gives you sh!t, proudly take it and fertelize your hopes and dreams.

   I hardly know you... but, Facebook says it's your birthday, so happy birthday!

   Do the right thing today: Go to someone's profile, ccroll down 4 months, and like something.

   If I don't share all this stuff about me now... it's gonna be really awkward when I show up at your house.

   Dear McDonalds cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy b!tch.

   My drunk neighbor says he was attacked by a big bat last night but I was actually using a golf club.

   Well now I'm screwed... everyone always tells me once you go black you never go back, but I left my keys in her apartment.

   I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, how do you spell your name again?