moon Funny Status Messages

   Last year my New Year's resolution was to loss 30 lbs and now that we're about to ring in another New Year I'm happy to say that I've only got 40 more pounds to go!

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg, All I want for Christmas this year is fonts.

   It's Sunny!! Which is kind of like a "It's snowing!" post, but better because it's sunny and not snowing.

   I think I might have spent a quarter of my life just staring into the refrigerator.

   If where you live doesn't have numbers on it you really need to address that.

   Men are NOT pigs. Pigs are gentle sensitive and intelligent animals.

   You know you're a classic VW owner if your friends always ask to borrow tools when you stop by because they know you're carrying them with you.

   These post apocalyptic movies are just not factual. I mean how can everyone be wearing leather when there are no cows?

   Wish there was a way to turn horrible books back into trees.

   A friend is typing..... A grand is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... Friend says lol

   I just want to be as happy as the characters in any horror movie are during the first half hour of the film.

   Shout out to the guy in the Beamer who gave me the finger for honking and waving at him. Your cell phone is on the roof of your car!

   Thanks to Facebook me and my friend's can now send each other invites and make plans months in advance like we're going on an expedition to the upper reaches of Mongolia to get together for a cup of coffee.

   Coming out can be hard as people don't understand our way of life and can be very close minded, but I feel in this day and age I can no longer be afraid to say I love Disco!

   I just burnt 550 calories without doing anything. And that's the last time I look at Facebook with pizza in the oven!

   Just want to wish all my single friends out there a very happy Independence Day!

   Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.

   Whoever designed my new phone that uses power to light up, beep and shake on and off for 15 minutes or so before it dies should be fired.

   When I was a kid, selfies used to be called narcissism.

   Like this status if you're the type of person who likes to carry all your groceries into your house in one trip, but then realize at the front door you have so many bags in your hands you can't get the keys out of pocket.