ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   I will not apologize for being awesome.

   Again, I can't hear you, because… I HAVE A BULLHORN

   Because I have a bullhorn and you do not! Your fancy book learnin' should've taught you that the strong do what they want, and the weak endure what they must.

   Look, here's the deal: If you're into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.

   Ladies, you can't be the first, but you can be the next.

   Fact: Soccer is a game invented by European ladies to pass the time while their husbands cooked dinner. Go practice your throw-ins, you cheese-eating surrender monkey!

   If your on a dating website and didn't post a picture of yourself. It should be mandatory to disclose the amount of teeth you will show up with in you mouth on the first date.

   You look like the type of person who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

   If this were Lord of the Flies, you'd be dead already.

   I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.

   Drinking is a problem only if you're not good at it. To me, everything you listed is proof that I am very good at it.”

   was looking for a date on Craigs list only to find out that "420 friendly" did not stand for maximum weight limit.

   AR15 rifle with scope- $1,600, 900 Rds of Lake City XM193 AF 5.56 loaded in 30 magazines $600, Emergency food suplies $1000, Cost of everything during the zombie apocalypse = Priceless

   so awesome that "The Most Interesting Man in The World" is jealous.

   Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!

   after watching "The Walking Dead" premiere tonight on AMC. I'm going to dream about zombies tonight. Its okay becasue with my skills I'm sure I'll be the zombies nightmare.

   I wish cleaning the house was as easy as cleaning out my email.

   says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.

   Was asked if I really believe in zombies. I informed him that no, zombies are not real and that its just a pop culture thing. He then walked away pleased with answer I had given him. Now I can't wait to see the look on his face when the next zombie outbre

   thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.