SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   There's no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.

   “I can park here because my hazards are on.” Seems legit.

   Instead of a fox, I would have had the Carfax mascot be a fax machine.

   My girlfriend was admitted to the hospital last night. She's in the Expensive Care Unit.

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not crap your pants.

   The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.

   If there wasn't such thing as a last minute I'd never get anything done.

   Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump because you've invested so much time in the relationship.

   I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

   I bet guys named Matt who take yoga classes get picked on a lot.

   I think I have become addicted to interventions. Good luck with that one, friends and family!

   I wish when people called me, instead of getting my voicemail, they got diarrhea.

   If Moses were alive now I'd like to think G0d would be cool enough to give the 10 Commandments on a convenient flash drive.

   Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.

   I need a new belt but hate shopping. Time to become a boxer.

   The coolest suicide would be to moisturize and not stop moisturizing until you become a tiny pond that fish and turtles live in

   If your parents are cannibals, the "got your nose" game is deadly serious.

   Don't underestimate me, That's my family's job.

   “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” are the same letter, but with a different angle.

   Don't you think it's time we start referring to flat screen TVs, simply as TVs?