MWC Funny Status Messages

   Really no offense ladies,but why do all of you go on about your weight..then post all this food that would clog and artery...

   What a lovely winter, we're having this spring!

   Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".

   I went in to see a psychiatrist. I say, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?

   I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!

   Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.

   Why can't a pony sing? ............Because it's a little horse.

   I'll bet any one of you I could stop gambling!

   I am a kleptomaniac, and when it gets really bad I take something for it.

   "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" The doctor says, "It's Not Unusual."

   I traded in my wife's piano for a clarinet. You can't sing while playing a clarinet.

   I'm right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?

   I just found out the big difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

   Some people think I'm quiet, others wish I was.

   Now who is running a MARATHON?

   I stopped talking back to the voices in my head, and now they’ve started texting me…

   How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape

   I feel like I have my cranky pants pulled all the way up to my armpits!

   what happens when a idiot can't get a gun and wants to make a scene?

   Keep the dream alive.....Hit the snooze button 6 times