Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages

   Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.

   C'mon Lotto! I just want to be rich enough for Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life in real time.

   I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.

   Women are like snowflakes. They can't drive.

   Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Proof that even chickens believe in an afterlife.

   Jeez. There is no reason to tailgate me in the SLOW LANE. Especially when I'm doing 20 kph over the limit anyways. And those stupid ricer flashing red and blue lights on your roof make you look ridiculous.

   It all makes sense now!! Gay marriage and Pot legalized on the same day... Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been misinterpreting it all these years!!

   I hate when movies say "May contain nudity." Well does it doesn't it? I don't want to waste my time.

   Understanding is what allows someone like me to tolerate someone like you.

   Magic Mike...50 Shades of Grey...I knew I should have bought stock in Duracell this year.