Eddy Funny Status Messages

   I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter

   I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures

   raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine

   been single for so long I should change my name to "Kraft"

   a president with sex tapes...gee, I'm glad we didn't put a Clinton in office again

   don't forget tonight we time travel without a T.A.R.D.I.S

   when I go to the store looking for paper towel, I feel like a BOUNTY hunter

   irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"

   pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks

   IKEA is just adult LEGO sets

   Agree or disagree with the Trump protesters....he got more people walking in 1 day than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

   my yard is so white it got nominated for an Academy Award

   I wake up feeling like a golden statue....everyone else is the pigeons

   my new years resolution is 1680 x 1050

   when couples get married they should be required to each give up 1 sock & put them together to make a pair of socks....later on if they divorce they get their sock back. "Master has given me a sock. I am free"

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   It's so cold now, when I turn on Netflix I call it "Netflix & get chilled"

   it's the time of year agian to get a lot of fruit cakes...now I cant wait for them to leave & go back to their own homes

   if you burn the turkey, just tell the family they're eating blackbird

   Pence should consider himself lucky....worse has happened with presidents at theaters