Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Only way I'm having sex for 3 hours is if we taking a nap for the first 2hrs 56 min

   A real woman does not have a "wrong hole".

   Don't half ass it. It's not a real nap unless you take your pants off.

   The amount of people I have to say good morning to on a daily basis really pisses me off

   Kim Kardashian wants to break the internet? All this no talent hack needs to do to break the internet is to sit on it.

   Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about

   I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won't have to talk to them.

   I was going to have sex with you , but you said okie dokie

   You're wrong. - First Rule of Right Club

   Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.

   Well, son, when a man loves a woman very much he expresses that love by slowly transforming into a human sloth.

   It’s so embarrassing when you say, "I love you, too," only to realize the person was waving to someone behind you.

   I don't know what everyone's complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents' basement.

   Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.

   Majority of Religious people have given religion a bad name.

   It's like I'm the only one in this gym who thinks groin fitness is important.

   A shot of vodka a day keeps the sad away!

   I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own Facebook Page.

   Just got into a conversation with a crazy person. Do you guys know what a crazy person will never say? -- "Well I've got to go."

   I'd like to think I'm a decent person but honestly if I was a millionaire, the last thing I would do is dress up like a bat and fight crime.