Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 695 of 6382
I cook, clean, and run errands because I know I can't compete with a vibrator.
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06-22-2018 09:02
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Haven’t been able to show my face at the nearby McDonalds since I accidentally asked for a happy ending.
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06-22-2018 09:01
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MAGA - Macdonalds and Golf Again!
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06-22-2018 08:41
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Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
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06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman
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What? WikiLeaks is endangering lives and is unamerican? Wow, you don't say? Gee, what a surprise.....
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06-22-2018 06:45
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New MAGA Campaign Slogan for Pride Month: Make America Gorgeous Again.
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06-21-2018 23:46
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if the "space force" ever drops a dirty bomb on Uranus, they better call it "operation taco bell"
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06-21-2018 23:41 by Eddy
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Like the 20th century used sex to sell things, the 21st century uses rage. Wonder what it will be for 22nd?
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06-21-2018 17:08
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The inventor of the helicopter ejection seat has died from severe headache.
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06-21-2018 16:57
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The apocalypse doesn't care what your credit score is.
wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap
I stopped watching Vikings when Ragnar Lothbrok died.
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06-21-2018 15:19
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Sad news out of Ohio. The inventor or the helicopter ejection seat died from severe head trauma.
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06-21-2018 12:52
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Oh btw, if the Dems really cared about keeping families together, they would DROP their support for Planned Parenthood!
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06-21-2018 12:45
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Yesterday, the Dems got what they wanted! Then realized they didn’t get what they wanted. Trump played them. And I’m gonna get what I want in 2020...Trump re-elected!
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06-21-2018 12:30
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Why is being heartless and full of hate the cool thing to do in this era?
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06-21-2018 10:33
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Nobody blamed the lightsaber....then again, they didn't let every stupid moron have one.
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06-21-2018 10:28
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I'm searching the back of this fridge for a beer like a Democrat searching for someone to hold up as a victim
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06-21-2018 08:45
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I can’t decide if I should get married again or try to get a blow job from a great white shark.
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06-21-2018 08:27
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It's remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
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06-21-2018 08:13
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