Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 694 of 6446

"Wow, Santa! Have you lost some weight? And have you been working out? I can sure tell...Because you look great for your age!" Rudolph The Brown Nose Reindeer
←Rate |
12-08-2018 08:24
Comments (0)

... Isn't it nice to know that anyone can grow up and become "individual 1."
←Rate |
12-08-2018 03:35
Comments (0)

A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂

I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
←Rate |
12-07-2018 18:12
Comments (1)

Bakers, your technical challenge for today will be the classic American style marijuana brownie. Paul would like for you to each bake 96 dozen and they must look good!
←Rate |
12-07-2018 16:13
Comments (0)

There are four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus
←Rate |
12-07-2018 15:37 by KG
Comments (0)

2011 - "50 Shades of Gray" sells 125 million copies. 2018 - "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is offensive.
←Rate |
12-06-2018 18:48
Comments (1)

Turning on your lights and sirens after losing a drag race is just poor sportsmanship
←Rate |
12-06-2018 16:05 by T
Comments (0)

Just for the record: If your single and planning on asking me out this close to Christmas the only thing you'll be getting from me is a book, which will be do back at the libary just after the new years.
←Rate |
12-06-2018 15:52
Comments (0)

"Wow, this robo-call is really interesting. I'm going to listen to the whole thing!" said no one ever.
←Rate |
12-06-2018 11:19
Comments (0)

I went to my girlfriend’s funeral today..and met her parents for the first time!
What a pair of miserable folks!
←Rate |
12-06-2018 04:52 by Truman
Comments (0)

Finally fixed the volume on my phone so I can't hear the other person talking.
←Rate |
12-06-2018 00:01
Comments (0)

I had fifty bucks tattooed on my "member". So the next time my wife wants to go out and blow fifty bucks, she can stay home and do it.
←Rate |
12-05-2018 15:05 by Joker
Comments (0)

I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel .
←Rate |
12-05-2018 14:50 by Joker
Comments (0)

In 1984 a light aircraft killed a jogger while making an emergency landing on a South Carolina beach.. which is why I don't jog!!
←Rate |
12-05-2018 14:11 by Truman
Comments (0)

A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.
←Rate |
12-05-2018 13:04
Comments (0)

wife hoping for a normal day: good morning me: I'm gonna try to become left handed
←Rate |
12-05-2018 11:54
Comments (0)

Successfully "lands" a water bottle flip 3 out of 5 attempts. 0-998 in making his socks to the dirty clothes basket.
←Rate |
12-05-2018 10:26 by Jsabbage
Comments (0)

If I were any more hungry right now, Madonna would adopt me!
←Rate |
12-05-2018 08:53 by Truman
Comments (0)

Do people still say Okie Dokie or is it just me?? 🤔🤔🤔
←Rate |
12-05-2018 05:35
Comments (1)