bego Funny Status Messages

   Twilight. A love triangle between a mentally handicapped girl, a disco ball, and a hairy pedophile.

   I met the girl of my dreams last night, then I woke up.

   I still let my phone ring a few times before answering when a person I'm interested in calls, so I seem busy.

   Hey can I borrow a pencil? "Yeah but it doesn't have an eraser" "Life doesn't have an eraser" "That was deep man.."

   Why do the people that should never reproduce have the most kids?!?!

   Rock bottom = Putting saved Taco Bell hot sauce packets on food that is not from Taco Bell.

   The worst = telling an awesome story and realizing halfway through that you should not be telling it to that person.

   Harry Potter brand condoms: Protect your Slytherin from Hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn.

   Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you.

   Buying water at baseball games is ridiculous! $5 for water?!?! If I wanted to pay $5 for water, I would buy Miller Lite.

   I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   I believe in Karma, Mainly because I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of s$it.

   The less you give a f$ck, the happier you will be.

   Your duty as a best friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck

   Every girl has 3 personalities: 1) When she's with her family. 2) When she's with her friends. 3) When she's with HIM.

   You don't need a $500 camera to take a photo of the bathroom mirror.

   Some of my "friends" on Facebook need to be reminded that high school is over.