Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I ate so much Chinese food this week I can feel my d ick getting smaller. Related: eating fried chicken all next week.

   Alcohol is god's way of telling you you're pretty.

   As a guy, the hardest thing about shopping for lingerie is asking for a fitting room

   By the time most women are comfortable with their bodies, I'm not.

   I don't understand why it's called a Chastity Belt. Everyone I know named Chastity is a stripper.

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work

   You ever wonder why it's only women who need exorcisms?

   All panties are edible if you're hungry enough.

   You say "love means never having to say you're sorry" What I hear is that essentially your love is a narcissistic sociopathic minefield.

   This man needs to change. I'll whine and moan at him until he does. That'll work - Women

   I only phone my boss from the toilet because thats the only place where he makes any sense.

   I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.

   Let's play a cruel joke on your husband and make a baby for him.

   For years doctors thought I was autistic but turns out that I'm just an a$$hole.

   If you don't love me at my worst, good call. I wouldn't put up with me either.

   Happy couples are annoying and disgusting, I hope me and my girlfriend never get happy.

   Sorry if I hit a nerve, I was aiming for your jugular.

   BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.

   If the shoe fits, don't just wear it, strut that s hit b itch.

   All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.