Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night..

   I don't know about you, I could have done without Adam's wardrobe malfunction...

   Super bowl sunday is now also known as Janet Jackson appreciation day.

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   These teams were playing like they know whoever wins goes to the white house

   Maroon 5 : Patriots 3 :Rams 0

   I notice that mitch mcconnell sounds like James Cagney when he played a gangster in the movies ?

   Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough, that's why we have two hands.

   I'm sorry I cited the five second rule when I dropped your baby

   There are people who've been through hell and are trying to entertain you ungrateful urinary tract infections for free. Be kind.

   I had 5 minutes to spare this morning so I figured women out.

   I don’t even care who wins this Maroon 5 concert

   Just accidentally took a drink out of someone else’s glass, tell my mom I loved her

   DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman. Everyone knows that.

   Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire...

   I'll be taking a knee at my Superbowl party in protest of white supremacy and police brutality.

   Today is a sad day. The man who invented autocorrect pissed away in his sleep last night.

   Mueler's Russian roundup may soon come to an end.

   I'm back when penny candy was a penny years old.

   I was waiting for a call last night so I put my phone under my pillow, woke up this morning - phone was gone and $1 was in its place...damn tooth fairy....