Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How long do you wait before you introduce your girlfriend to your child? For arguments sake let’s say you’ve been dating for 3 years and the child is 6 weeks old.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 12:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:19 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather trust a billionaire who becomes a politician than a politician who becomes a billionaire.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:43 Comments (2)  


   messageicon With his short term memory he may not remember colluding with putin
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to start thinking about the world we'll leave behind for Betty White when we're all gone.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you even know what the word "impeach" means? Hint: It does NOT mean getting kicked out of office.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 06:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honesty is the best policy but it makes for a lousy defense in court.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?
←Rate | 02-08-2019 00:14 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but fathers always want to play with them.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 20:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who confuse the word "burro" and "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 19:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gave This Homeless Man $5 And Told Him Not 2 Buy Drugs With It and This dude Got The Nerve To Say "Don't Tell Me What To Do With My Money
←Rate | 02-07-2019 17:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime I lose a sock I gain a Tupperware lid.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Ain't no psychotic meltdowns, either...
←Rate | 02-07-2019 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chloroform is my favorite essential oil.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 05:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.
←Rate | 02-06-2019 21:54 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's on my mind is what do I need to do today besides waste time looking at Facebook?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling for compromise, but only if it's on your own terms. How is that compromise?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!
←Rate | 02-05-2019 19:16 by Truman Comments (0)  




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