BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   To those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong colour Mercedes. SHUT UP! I ride a bike!

   How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?

   Things you should never do after a breakup: 1. Listen to love songs. 2. Read old messages 3. Read their statuses, tweets or updates.

   I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.

   Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.

   To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't like onions on my Big Mac.

   Hey, if you stay really quiet and listen very, very closely, You can hear the beautiful sound of you shutting the f$ck up.

   The look on the cashiers face when a fat girl purchases leggings.

   I'm not calling you an idiot, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have googled "how to breathe."

   If I had $100 for every time I read something interesting on my Facebook feed, I'd be very poor.

   Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Instagram

   Damn.. who isn't pregnant...?

   You know your a$s is ugly when you're the one always asked to take the photo.

   99% of girls are hot. The other 1% go to my school.

   I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no B$tch, I'd also like all this invisible sh$t...

   I text my Ex yesterday and she didn't text back..Obviously she passed out of excitement!

   Today, we celebrate to all the chicks that said "leave it in"

   I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

   I will stop drinking when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water. Get the hint?