Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 667 of 6446

Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn't about you.
←Rate |
03-01-2019 17:43 by Joser
Comments (0)

The cost of living has gotten so high that my wife began having sex with me again so she wouldn't have to buy batteries.
←Rate |
03-01-2019 16:50
Comments (0)

At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.

Chicago can solve its murder problem by having longer winters.
←Rate |
03-01-2019 12:47
Comments (0)

I don't want to brag, but I have the dietary habits of a much younger man.
←Rate |
03-01-2019 12:44
Comments (0)

Shout out to all my friends who never post, like or say anything on Facebook, You're my heroes!
But if you silent friend's could do me one little favor and like just this one status so I'll know your still out there breathing and actually give a damn wha
←Rate |
03-01-2019 12:40 by moon
Comments (0)

My kids can worship Satan all they want as long as they don’t listen to nickelback

My weight doubles my SAT score.
←Rate |
03-01-2019 11:24 by ThePrez
Comments (0)

I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic!
It's got 23 yikes already!
←Rate |
03-01-2019 06:13 by Truman
Comments (0)

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
←Rate |
02-28-2019 16:34 by Gabe
Comments (0)

Lets be honest and Like this status if your like me and play with the words you post like a can of Campbell's alphabet soup.
←Rate |
02-28-2019 14:29 by Moon
Comments (0)

It's hard to be a straight guy these days. I'm all for equal pay and treatment for women but I also love titties...
←Rate |
02-28-2019 14:08
Comments (0)

I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He asked “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer is a fat bald man and Marge has blue hair.”
←Rate |
02-28-2019 10:22 by DJ
Comments (0)

Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
←Rate |
02-27-2019 07:54
Comments (0)

Raise the age to buy guns? What this country really needs to do is raise the age of puberty.
←Rate |
02-27-2019 07:50
Comments (0)

A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
←Rate |
02-27-2019 07:41
Comments (0)

KFC has teamed up with scientists in the U.K. to create edible coffee cups made with cookies and wrapped in sugar. It's perfect if you've ever wanted to wake up and give up at the same time.
←Rate |
02-27-2019 05:59
Comments (0)

filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.
←Rate |
02-26-2019 22:38 by marco86
Comments (0)

your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids
←Rate |
02-26-2019 15:59
Comments (0)

Dear R.Kelly you have no idea how much trouble Urine