SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I pledged allegiance "to the republic for witches stand" until third grade.

   Dear dude holding his wifes purse in the middle of the food court. Have some dignity and at least strike the Heisman pose.

   Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

   When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time.

   Sometimes I meow back at cats.

   Find a penny pick it up, and all day long you'll have significantly raised the odds of contracting a bacterial ailment.

   It's impossible for me to dance without making the "I'm the sh!t" face.

   I have the nose hair of a much older, more powerful man.

   I removed my windshield wipers and now I don't get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!

   My advice for pretty much anything that's broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".

   Just got off the phone with my bookie. If the space junk hits any of the members of Nickelback I will be a very wealthy man.

   I just saw Tom from MySpace on Google +... You know the site sux when the sites creator hauls a$$!

   Unfollow, Unfriend, & Delete are the Stop, Drop & Roll safety instructions when it comes to the internet's most annoying people.

   Just had a very positive experience with Verizon Customer Service. What the hell is this world coming to?

   Now that "Don't Ask Don't Tell" is repealed, is it okay to admit I like the song "Drops of Jupiter?"

   Your call to action went straight to voicemail.

   I've decided to get in shape. The shape will be “potato”.

   Going to Mark Zuckerberg's house to move around all his furniture and see how he likes it!

   Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.

   Beer commercials never show anyone drunk. Not after a divorce, being fired or losing a child in a tragic loose trophy shelf accident.