BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Quick question, Ladies, If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the f$ck are you doing?

   Alcohol doesn't cause Hangovers...Waking up does...

   Fighting fire with fire only gives you ashes.

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   Nothing makes you look younger than an old photo.

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   Kanye West should open a breakfast restaurant called "Omelette You Finish"

   Absence makes the heart grow fonder...but Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger.

   I think cops should yell "PICKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" before they taze someone

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot. 

   Guys: Wow, her status is dumb. but she's cute, so I'm going to like it.

   You're at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

   My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.

   The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I pay with.

   I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet & Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.

   I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bi$ch what??

   Pretending to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out...

   Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.