Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 655 of 6446

Harry and Meghan have started an online poll to allow the British public to suggest the name of the new royal infant. The current front-runner is Princey McPrinceFace.
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05-07-2019 11:57
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Just finest remolding my bathroom and just want thank you all for all the selfies and great remolding idea's!
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05-07-2019 09:47 by moon
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It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back. It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..
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05-07-2019 06:43
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I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that's a D you moron!
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05-06-2019 18:09
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Happy Revenge of the Sixth, everyone!
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05-06-2019 17:42
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I was cleaning out my pantry and found some tang. Unfortunately, it's the kind you drink...
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05-06-2019 11:10
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Whatever God was smoking when he invented the platypus, I want some.
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05-06-2019 07:50
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I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey! That's my stuff!"?
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05-06-2019 07:50
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I wish life was like a hockey game. I'd gladly spend five minutes in the penalty box for beating the snot out of someone who pissed me off.
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05-06-2019 07:49
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There's probably an employee named Jake who works at State Farm, who's had it with people's jokes and is about to go postal.
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05-06-2019 07:49
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Countless individuals over the last 80 years have spent millions of hours on the development of the electronic computer. All so that I can sit at my desk yelling "Hurry up you stupid piece of crap!"
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05-05-2019 17:15
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If my dog has taught me anything it's if you're tired just lie down anywhere
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05-05-2019 13:04
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I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
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05-05-2019 13:04
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The only person who listens to me in my house is my dog, and even he pees on the floor sometimes.
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05-05-2019 13:03
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I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
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05-05-2019 13:01
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Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
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05-05-2019 12:59
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I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
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05-05-2019 12:58
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This is your yearly reminder to not put bananas in fruit salads
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05-05-2019 12:58
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please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer
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05-05-2019 12:57
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Only supporting the far-rights isn't uniting people. Just saying.
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05-05-2019 11:53
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