Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   out of beta, and is releasing on time

   your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.

   turning on Airplane mode on his iPhone but can't figure out why it still won't fly!

   brought to you in full digital and is giving out coupons for your box.

   not scared of heights.... just widths!!!!

   more bars in more places.

   not buying anything Michael Moore says anymore

   runs on Dunkin

   laid back...with my mind on my money and my money on my mind

   going crazy...Want to come?

   promoting global warming.

   in your refrigerator.

   "used to care, but now I take a pill for that!! "

   planning to fill in this blank.

   bringing sexy back... to the store for a refund!

   finding new uses for bananas

   wearing more make up than a clown

   so great Tony the tigers jealous

   "sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't "

   sells seashells by the seashore