BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Growing up I always dreamed of being slimed on Nickelodeon.

   Spent 45 mins having a stare off with this arrogant prick two tables down at Lunch. Then he got up and grabbed his blind person cane. S$it.

   During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the f$ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

   You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

   We all have that one person we would take back in a second, no matter how much they hurt us in the past.

   If your not over your EX then don't move on Cause you playing with someone else feelings!

   Best friends have Conversations impossible to understand by other people…

   I'm not saying she's a slut... but she's been licked more times than Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopper.

   LIFE TIP: Next time you do something illegal, look serious and carry a clipboard.

   Jail, I mean school. Sorry, I can't tell the difference

   So Siri is basically a chick that has no personality and claims to know everything? ...Sounds like my ex!

   I let my girlfriend wear the pants in our relationship, but it's me that decides when they come off!

   I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.

   If I started my own Chip Company, I'd fill the bags to the top!

   We live in a culture where we are surrounded by smart phones and stupid people.

   Thanks to push-up bras and low cut shorts, I can now get to 2nd base w/ your girlfriend just by looking at her FB profile pic.

   Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me a damn secrets???

   S.I.N.G.L.E. = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one (L)ife's (E)asier

   Strange how I'm only on Facebook when I'm on the toilet... I'm literally giving a s$it while reading stuff I don't give a s$it about.

   It's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a reality TV show.