Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   would give his right arm to be ambidexious

   Bob the builder! can we fix it?!!......no this time we're screwed

   thinking 'if girls had 'mute' buttons!!'

   What if there were no hypothetical questions?

   knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...

   Asks .... Why dont they make mouse flavoured cat food?

   Give Yourself a Haircut Tip # 1: Don't

   wishes his lawn was emo, then maybe it would cut itself.

   wondering...DO SHEEP SHRINK IN THE RAIN?

   Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

   frustrated that he knows all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask him the questions.

   given your computer the Swine Flu Virus

   never finishes anythi

   always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower for cryin' out loud!

   1) Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page. 2) On the bottom left corner, click English: US. 3) When the language selection appears, click English: Pirate. 4) watch what happens.

   thinks they need to have a twelve-step help group for compulsive talkers. They would call it On Anon Anon.

   printing off a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills

   the reason you get up in the morning <3

   me? addicted to facebook? naah... (why isnt anybody commenting on this status!!! I'm waiting for the red number to pop up)...

   going to go postal, but I have to wait 4 -6 weeks for them to find my rifle in the mail.