Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   had the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

   lives in her own little world, but it's OK — they all like me here.

   People say that love is in every corner I must be walking in circles!

   keep your hourly updates going, I really am enjoying them...really. /sarcasm

   heavily armed....and not afraid to flab them in your face!!!

   Last night I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted...

   only got 4 minutes to save the world

   ashamed of what he did for a klondike bar

   knows is all. I just cant remember it all at once!

   wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

   absolutely willing to work on weekends ... granted that weekdays are off.

   trying to figure out how to set my laser printer to stun

   planning on living forever- so far, so good

   wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.

   's inner child has diaper rash.

   microwaving metal objects.

   people are really clever on facebook they always now what day it is and they always want to tell you its friday

   the funny thing about this message is that one you realize its pointless its too late to stop ;)

   cooler then the other side of the pillow

   Jon & Kate's marital counselor.