Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Border Security Idea: Make the door to Mexico too small for sombreros.

   The real victims of the NBA lockout are tattoo parlors and rape defense attorney's.

   Buy her alcohol, lots of alcohol. Women love it when you buy them alcohol.

   Does this hot water bottle and 12 cats in my bed make me look like I've given up on life?

   I love strippers. They're awesome. Plus I can't get my girlfriend to do shi t for a dollar.

   No matter how useless you feel, take pleasure in the fact that you're someone's reason to masturbate.

   I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think…is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

   In traffic no one hears you scream.

   I always cry after sex... $400.00 is a lot of money.

   Hey idiots who worship celebrities; if they had to shoot you or their dog, they'd also chop you up and watch the dog eat you.

   How much cooler would it have been if Apple made Mini-Me introduce the iPad mini?

   Britney Spears is a judge on the X Factor and Khloe Kardashian is a host. Is this a circus or a music competition?

   My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.

   You call it a train wreck I call her my daughter.

   You look like you would ruin my life. Let's have sex. -women

   Imagination: because if I we did you as much as I thought about it, we'd both be unemployed.

   Here, let me fix that grin on your face with this shovel.

   And for my next trick, I am gonna make 20 of my FB friends delete and block me in next 10 hours.

   Ever notice the bigger the girl, the more Looney Tunes characters she has on her shirt.

   Oh I get it. Winnie the Pooh Bear can climb a tree with no pants, but when I have a few drinks and do it, people start freaking out.