Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom!

   i made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

   What did that nurse say? Brain damage? F**k I was born during an earthquake.

   switching up on you ordinary b!tchesss.

   I am perfection in the realm of understanding without comprehension in the abyss of normality.

   am no gynaecologist but am gonna look anyway!!!!!

   there sure is going to be a lot of people losing their virginity in the year 2012.

   Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   does not know that the bird is the word.

   W.T.F. - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...the weekend's almost here!!

   Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which are kinda the same thing.

   I need to start speaking my mind because my tongue is starting to hurt from biting it!

   hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

   hates people who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

   hates when people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   hates people who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

   hates when you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

   having an I will never drink again moment!