Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   living in my own little world, but its ok they know me here...

   Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....

   the world's oldest ww1 veteran just turned 108 today...he recently finished his fourth tour in Afghanistan.

   Fake people are just as bad as fake breasts.....Only reason they exist is to make one feel better about themselves

   You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

   Why am I so mean? My heart was made of chocolate so I ate it. Now I have no heart and no chocolate! Wouldn't that make you mean??

   To bring attention to testicular cancer week, I am telling you my boxer briefs are black.

   don't think you're on the right road just because it is a well beaten path

   Beauty is only a light switch away...

   Make love, not war.-Hell, do both GET MARRIED!

   It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere

   Friends don't let friends take home ugly broads...

   if you expect me stop dreaming...I'd give up. If you expect me to give up...I'd stop dreaming. ;-)

   as Vice-President of Toyota I would like to say please dial 1800-our-bad.

   Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...

   The only way you have a 12 incher is when you leave Subway!!!

   My girlfriend has the last word in any argument... Anything I say after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Strangers have the best candy!

   Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals...

   says that other's opinions are just other's opinions... stay true to your inner guidance and smile at all the frowns...