Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonderin if this will be the year. Santa hasn't visited me since I moved out the first time. Can't figure it out!

   MISSING: Sultry dark haired nymphomaniac. Likes 2 have hair pulled & be tied up. Please return immediately as she may be dangerous! I am a trained professional

   this monkeys wings aren't real!!! That guy screwed me, these aren't flying monkeys at all!!!!

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up

   Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

   Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings….'

   watching p0rn and eating doritos !

   If I call you a "HO" these final days of 2009, it's only for the holiday purposes... *smirks*

   hates Know-It-Alls, because if you really knew it all, you would know I think you a shmuck!

   Wants Santa to bring me one of the hot girls thats on his naughty list

   wondering why iceland is green and greenland is ice? Silly Vikings!

   about to put a broom stick in your turd cutter

   Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

   found a midget nest today! I am taking the egg home for further study.

   Tresspassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted.

   An ideal mind is a devil's workshop...mine is a warehouse!

   happy and he knows it...but refuses to clap his hands or stomp his feet.

   thinks a foolish husband gives his wife an old piano. A wise husband gives her an upright organ!

   considering taking out a loan and purchasing a yacht so I can decrease my deficit *Universal Health Care Bill logic*

   santaclaustrophobia.