bego Funny Status Messages

   Three words that can really really  crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?

   Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.

   If my love, honesty, and loyalty aren't good enough for you...the guy in line behind you would love for you to move on.

   I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

   Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.

   Sometimes I see people and think, "Is your face supposed to be like that?"

   Oh, he didn't reply to your text message and it's been 2 minutes? You should probably resend that.

   Hardest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.

   Technologically, I'm at that dangerous age. I'm old enough to mess everything up, and not young enough to fix it.

   Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper. By the time you realize it's open, it's already embarrassed you.

   Why, when our heart is stolen, do we insist on returning to the scene of the crime?

   I can't think of one nice thing to say about you....a million maybe, but not just one.

   (Person:) Do you know how many calories are in that?! (Me:) Do you know how many f**ks I don't give?

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Sometimes It's Not Good to Love Everybody

   When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

   Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"

   I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you logged into Myspace."

   Ever notice how men insult each other and don't really mean it and women compliment each other and don't really mean it?

   We live in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad... I fear for the future.

   Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?