SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Pumpkin-Picking Tip: Don't let those hillbilly monsters that run the place lure you into the tractor shed.

   Her: I don't see you feeling what I say, that leaves a bad taste cuz I smell your bs. Hear me? Me: You just used all 5 senses in 1 sentence.

   It's casual Friday. Go give your boss the finger!

   The nice black lady working at my hotel is named "Cliche". I hope her brother is named "Stereotype".

   Now that we've separated all the crazies into "Tea Party" and "Occupy Wall Street," can us normals just get on with our lives?

   People I am hating today: Anyone who refers to guacamole as "guac."

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process.

   I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

   My dog could have just asked for smoke instead of eating the whole pack.

   GEORGE SOROS HAS JETPACKS AND HE'S NOT SHARING!!!!

   Guy at coffee shop just requested something "dunkable." This is making me uncomfortable.

   Ok, if I agree with you and say I'm codependent will you promise to never ever leave?

   Next week I'm going to leave my son home and bring a canned ham to his T-ball practice and see if the coaches notice.

   A lot of people on the packages of Halloween costumes went on to great things such as german porn and medical catalogs.

   All I want is to live in a world where kids don't lose their s*** when they see Elmo.

   There's no difference between instant maple & brown sugar oatmeal & an oatmeal & raisin cookie so screw the system, I'm eating the cookie.

   I always feel tricked into exercise when I peel an orange.

   Anyone mind if I invented a new letter to go between M and N?

   It's hard to tell if someone's short email means they're mad or just busy. I always reply, "Thanks, C***face!" just in case.

   All is not lost. It's just a little bit hard to keep track of.