bego Funny Status Messages

   Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.

   Told my son to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend, I think she was seeing someone else.

   Immature: A word used by boring people to describe fun people.

   I don't need to watch TNT for drama, I have Facebook.

   Ladies, Put your boobs back in your shirt, smile instead of doing that duck face and put your middle finger down. Have some self-respect.

   Its not you I'm rejecting Its my heart I'm protecting

   Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it was invented anywhere else, it woulda been called a "teethbrush."

   They say that the first sign of alcoholism is drinking alone. I have a dog, so I don't have to worry about that.

   50 Shades of Grey is stupid. They made the movie before the book. It's called porn... and thanks to the internet, it's free.

   You're too cute to be single." and you're too ugly to be flirting with me.

   Sleep with a girl with a spray tan? No thanks. I'll just stick my d$ck into a bag of Cheetos.

   Dudes who wear skinny jeans, you took the phrase "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Honey, why don't you take a break, you're working too hard." = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Let´s drink Vodka until you don´t remember what I suggest next..

   Listen, I'm not fat ok, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.

   Women are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and they're usually wrong.

   I met a cute girl in the tampon section, so I asked her if I could take her out in 5 to 7 days.

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???