SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   The word "epic" has lost the right to exist.

   Destroying all of this evidence would go a lot faster if I could shoot lasers from my eyes!

   The N-B-A lockout continues. Which explains the 8-foot man cleaning my windshield this morning.

   Snow white lived with all those men & didn't once do any "favors" to get out of housework? Now THAT's a fairy tale.

   Most signs that say there's 24 hour surveillance just mean the sign is there all day.

   Dear clever comeback, can you come BEFORE the argument is over. Thanks!

   Cashiers are always checking me out.

   If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

   I used to use expensive, illegal substances to blur the lines of reality. Now, I just take off my glasses.

   The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.

   Reality is for people who can't afford high speed internet.

   Women are like condoms.. they spend more time in your wallet than on your d!ck.

   Smith and Johnson are the two most common last names in US. So when you go to the bar, make sure you try putting drinks on those tabs first.

   Hand sanitizer is the best way to find invisible cuts on your hands.

   They took my happy meal.... I took their happiness.

   If I don't wear my tinfoil helmet, Jesus will tell me to eat all the donuts.

   Karing about Kardashians is Kulturally Kreepy & Kognitively Korrosive.

   A 100-year-old man ran a full-length marathon today. And then a 40-year-old man sent a tweet about it while eating ice cream on his couch.

   Dear Nickelback, I'll give you a dollarback if you'll stop making music.

   “Hold on playa!” -Ghetto Yield sign.