Funny Status Messages

   Dear fellow person looking for the lady popping out kids every 10 seconds I have found that lady! her name is Michelle Duggar.

   wondering how Mel Kiper can look at himself in the mirror and not want to kill himself over the guilt of getting paid to be such a terrible "expert" in his field.

   I'm 35 years old and still haven't figured out how to fold a fitted sheet.

   Somewhere on earth a woman give's birth to a child every 10 sec! we must find her & stop her.

   Facebook is Big Brother. lol To NOT share all your info with other websites, go to Account>Privacy Settings> Applications and Websites> and UNCHECK "Instant Personalization"

   if we're not supposed to have laet night snacks, why is there a light in the frigde?

   Feels like posting tomorrow's status update today

   Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!

   A friday with out Booze is like a Church without a priest...

   just sneezed. Thought I'd let everyone know just in case Facebook hadn't gotten around to it yet.

   I like Jay Sean's music. He's like Chris Brown, sans the beatings.

   asks: Is it wrong to want to be the designated driver just so you can drop obnoxious drunk a$$holes off at random houses that aren't theirs?

   here..now what are your other two wishes????

   Got a strange look from a 70 year old woman in bike pants/black socks/sandles. I'm afraid she might have heard me say, "Hello, future."

   I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you!

   crazy people are exhausting!

   So Noah from the Bulls looks grungy, apperently basketball is so easy a caveman can do it.

   thinking Robin Hood was a Democrat.

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.