Funny Status Messages

   I really think that one whom sratches his or her own ass, should not bite their Fingernails

   a friend on facebook whose status says "Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff"....So I poked him...

   You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

   stealing the greener grass from the other side

   this morning was a series of honking and yelling, and giving crappy looks.. Then I finally got out of the driveway and on my way to work.

   What's got 147 teeth and holds back The Incredible Hulk?.........My zip!

   "Are you an archaeologist? 'Cos I've just discovered a bone in my pants, and I was wondering if you could date it."

   Power play? I think the Washington Capitals need to work on their Heimlich Maneuver instead.

   Went to store. A guy repeatedly screamed, "WOW, THATS A LOW PRICE!" I set him on fire. Now prices r even lower due to smoke damage

   If sex is a pain in the a$$ then you re doing it wrong!

   BBC News: "Web attacks on the rise."...........Must be Spiderman, the rascal!!

   I can't see an end.I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore......................Definitely time for a new keyboard!!

   I could never own a Porsche because I refuse to pronounce it like the Douche Bags that own them do.

   I think more people would go to the library in school if they spiced it up a little bit... like maybe putting and open bar or strip club in it.

   saw an amazing looking girl the other day wearing a T-Shirt that said 'Fight Poverty'. So to impress her, I ran over and punched a tramp.

   Do I wake up grumpy in the morning? Nope. I just let her sleep

   I just saw a picture of Lady GA GA she has a nice Camel Toe ,I mean MOOSE KNUCKLE !!!!

   Always finishes what I sta

   went into my local store and I saw that they had put up a big sign saying, "NO READING IN THIS SHOP",I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, "Which of these is the Dairymilk?"

   Hiring someone attractive does necessarily not mean they will be a productive employee...unless this person is a prostitute.