jitney Funny Status Messages

   Great another "stand your ground" case ut of Florida....... We all know if you wanna kill someone go to Florida and do it!

   The best part of this superbowl tonight was Facebook and Instagram!

   Yes, Peyton..... Choking is cover under the obamacare! -Mr President

   Papa johns gonna make a killing either way when all the munches starts setting in!

   Hey broncos, puff puff pass time in the second half!..... Meanwhile at the Seahawks side...Sherman-"you know how I get when I get da munchies!

   When are they gonna start smoking marijuana?

   First jokess are in..... Why did the referee forget to ask the teams head or tails before the coin toss?.....stay tune!

   Every since we got a Handicap permit, It's like everybody got one and I can't never find Handicap parking Now.

   "Im not sure if I actually have some free time on my hands, or if I'm just forgetting to come up with a really good posst?

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shyt together by the time I was the age I am now!

   Just heard two fat b*** tches fighting over a seat on the bus. one 60yrs, standing the other with kids sitting down. It wasnt annoying until I realized they was both fighting and screamin at each other for the section with the handicap seat! Thx Obamacare

   Girls be like, "choose me or either lose me"....... Like they the only females out there saying that!

   Inmates in Miami Beach can now tweet Justin Beiber and poke him on after his Face got booked!

   Since it was on of the most popular apps download and played in 2013.......Anyone knows when Candy Crush is sending us our W-2's???

   Did you ever notice how everything in life just keeps shrinking? Even in the Hip-Hop world. It used to be 'Biggie Smalls, Big Pun, Fat Joe. Then it was lil jon, lil kim, liil wayne. 15yrs from now its gonig to be, 1PAC, BalemicBob, AtomMike, SpermSpewed!

   People, I'm late for everything!!! I would make the worst period.

   "Didn't realize their was alot of great looking women around here!" - Me hanging out at traffic school1

   Well the pilots of Southwest Airlines claiming Gov Christ Christie close the Rnuway, so they aint no where to go!

   WORK THIS WEEK??? - My MIND TELLING me NOOOOOoooo!!!, but my wallet telling me...dude You need more alcohol!!

   Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?