cj Funny Status Messages

   Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?

   BREAKING NEWS: This just in from the newsdesk.....Most women are comlplicated.

   Reminding you to never argue with someone who is not on your level of intelligence. Hand them a box of crayons and walk away knowing that you are smarter.

   Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.

   No one can do everything, BUT everyone can do something!!!

   Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

   A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   The future isn't what it used to be...

   Never steal. The government hates competition.

   The hardest part about business is minding your own.

   If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?

   I am having an out of money experience.

   There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

   If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

   I asked the Magic ❽ Ball if I was going to clean the house today and it said, Signs point to yes. Sh*t I hate when it says

   “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

   Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"

   just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last