SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I smiled today. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow!

   STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

   I bet a spider has a great "web sight"!!

   No human being in the history of the world has ever enjoyed hearing about another human being's workout.

   Butt dialing was a lot harder with rotary phones.

   That Al-Queda #2 position is cursed. It's like being on the cover of Madden.

   I always go the extra mile. The restraining order says I have to.

   a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

   Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!

   A stepdad should be called a “Faux Pa.”

   Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those live forever.

   Just hired a cat sitter to sit on my cat.

   Haven't seen David Blaine in a long time. I'd say it's his best trick ever.

   The second Pop-Tart exists solely to hammer home the self-loathing initiated by the first Pop-Tart.

   When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.

   If someone from the future's reading this: this is how we used to waste our time in the past.

   Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.

   Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?

   it's summer, the kids are home. I should just accept that everyday the house is gonna look like Bourbon Street on Monday morning.

   Why is it a "12-pack" and not a "jury of your beers"?