Scottyp Funny Status Messages

   Bad decisions always make for really good stories........and I always seem to have a LOT of really good stories....

   I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....

   If someone describes something as "better than sex", I know their either lying or extremely sheltered

   I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..

   I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   I'm just sitting here thinking of all the absolutely incredible things that I could accomplish this year. That is, of course, if I gave a sh/t....

   I'm getting pretty damn close to "country music" drunk......

   I just pulled up beside a police car on the highway and waved frantically for him to pull off to the side. When he did, I walked up slowly to his window and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over today, sir?" He didn't find it as amusing as me.......

   Let my friends talk me into smokin "chronic" for the first time last night but I prob. should've skipped my Ambien dose. Apparently, I started and completed my first book.."101 Ways to Prepare Succulent Penguin"...I didn't even know you could eat Penguin

   I just got home from the convenience store where I saw two homeless people making out. It was gross so I was about to yell "Get a Room", luckily I caught myself just in time