Nipper Funny Status Messages

   The voices in my head have been quite for a while. They probably broke something.

   Be careful when you're thmoking a metal bowl in thub thero temperaturths.

   My neighbours diary say's I have boundary issues.

   It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally.

   I actually feel bad for Justin Bieber. No girl should have to take a picture without her makeup on

   Not sure if my doctor is a righty or a lefty but I'm pretty sure he shouldn't have had both on my shoulders during that prostate exam.

   'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please? ''Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'

   I think I'd be a pretty considerate cannibal, even if I were constipated I wouldn't force your hand.

   I had to explain the Goonies today... so I'm feeling super old and bitter.

   Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.

   For future reference, farmers get super pissed if you sneak onto their property & chase their livestock with a Taser. It’s been a good day.

   During filming of an episode of 'Happy Days' in 1976, The Fonz had a stroke causing him to say "Eyyyyyyyy" for 4 months straight.

   Today a homeless man stuck a hand out at me and said 'spare change'His hand was empty, I think the pr!ck was teasing me, so I took his dog

   I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.