Eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Tomorrow is the end? Then I call "SHOTGUN"!!

   My neighbor is always talking about the paranormal. Wonder what she will have to say when she finds out I put Mentos in the bird feeder and Diet Coke in the bird bath.

   Better get a bigger spatula before you try flipping that on me!

   I feel like a dirty NASCAR driver removing the restrictor plate on my shower head!

   I am steaming the widows with my iron and writing the words "Please Help Me" just to see what the nosy neighbors will do.

   I can always tell when it is Senior Citizen Discount Day at the grocery near my house. All the blue parking spaces are double parked.

   Should I still call a DR if I have a have an erection for more then 4 hrs but I have not taken anything???

   I literary just saw a chicken cross the road. I want to stop and ask him "Why"?

   You know breast feeding a baby turtle is not as easy as they make it out to be!

   Closest thing I ever got to a hug growing up, was the scientist picking up the test tube!

   We all have a devil and an angel on our shoulders. Only problem is my devil has a gym membership!

   I was Home School Valedictorian!

   ‎"Your Status has expired. Please deposit $1.25". ~FB Meter Maid

   She was gone as fast as rum cake at an AA meeting!

   Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed

   When things in your life don't add up, use math. It solves problems!

   STALKERS meeting tonight at that secret spot! You know the one!!

   OMG! I just had a full grown GOOSE poop on my windshield! Looks like I just got egged. Go back to Canada!

   I am most like a mushroom. I am a fungi!

   My dentist is smoking hot! I always ask for the lead vest, even though I don't need an X-Ray!