Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?

   It's funny how many streets are named for the kind of trees chopped down to pave them.

   I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.

   It really isn't a good idea to be left with your own thoughts. I just had a long discussion with myself. We both agreed

   Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names.

   I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

   I think my mind has lost me.

   I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.

   New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....

   Your perception of me is a reflection of you.

   i check every shaving cream can for dinosaur embryos.

   If you're feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.

   Unless I missed an international news story, the TV show "Finding Bigfoot" should probably be called "Not Finding Bigfoot"

   I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

   I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

   I hope the word ‘berserk’ appears at least once in my obituary.

   I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.

   Hold your horses. It's hard realizing you're a horse and not a unicorn or a zebra. Console your horses. Tell them they're good enough.

   I feel most at one with my phone when I can see that it's desperately searching too.

   Aquariums are a place where fish get to watch you for free but it comes at the price of never leaving